Trauma recovery – keep it simple

Trauma is one of those emotional health areas that can impact our lives unexpectedly. Many of my clients have been in the armed forces and experienced active service; they may have witnessed or been subject to an act of violence; some clients may live (or have lived) with ongoing emotional abuse within a significant relationship. Whatever the issue, the knock-on effects of trauma can present in many ways. Here are some examples:

• anxiety and panic attacks
• hyper vigilance (where you pay attention to your surroundings at an exhausting level of awareness)
• eczema and other skin complaints
• breathing difficulties
• challenges with meaningful relationships
• outbursts of anger (recognised as too big for the incident that’s just occurred)
• difficulty sleeping (tired and irritable each day)

This above list would been traditionally treated in 2 ways: firstly you may be offered medication (sleeping pills, emotion suppressants, anti depressants) to manage some of the physical symptoms ; and secondly you may be offered a series of counselling to talk through your trauma experience and to try to make more sense of it (which is good assuming it doesn’t require you to re-live those past experiences).

In Human Givens psychotherapy (which is the only therapy we’ll offer our clients at Healthy Chat) our approach is simple and it’s also 2-fold:

1. de-sensitise the trauma so that a client is no longer hijacked by their past experiences impacting their present reality. We do a powerful (and quick) piece of work on the very first session.
2. re-equip the client to move on positively with their life. Here we work for 2 or 3 further sessions reviewing the parts of their life they’d now like to rebuild and move forward with – relationships, career, fitness, etc – and get on with designing and practicing some practical strategies to support that

Traumatic events are experienced by millions of people every year. Some a person may be fully aware of, and some may be blocked out of their mind for reasons of emotional (and sometimes physical) survival. In most cases a dramatic experience can’t be kept in check forever, so if you, or someone you know, is experiencing increasing difficulty in thinking clearly, managing overwhelm, or has unexpected outbursts of anger, it’s worth having a first conversation with a Human Givens therapist to explore whether a recent or old traumatic event might be the reason.
I’ve often found that the more simple a process is, the more we can trust it. Like:

• Food: fruit, vegetables, meat (or not) & carbs in their natural form (if you’re reading dozen’s of ingredients its probably not a great choice) – keep it simple
• Fitness: run, swim, walk, dance, move, enjoy. Step out of your house and get your heart rate up for 20 minutes. That’s it – keep it simple
• Friendships: this feels good – do more of it; this feels like a chore – do less of it – keep it simple

Simplicity is the hallmark that a product or service can be accessed by many – a ‘more for all, less to none’ approach.

With trauma recovery, there is now enough scientific evidence to show that Human Givens therapy is the simplest, fastest solution for those who want relief from their trauma experiences. At Healthy Chat our success comes from having you living happy, fulfilling, motivated lives in as short a time frame as possible.

Trauma recovery – book at Healthy Chat now. And keep it simple!

Jennifer Broadley is the founder of www.HealthyChat.co.uk. Since 2012 she has worked full time delivering therapeutic, life-changing conversations from her private practices in Aberdeen, Dundee and the north of Scotland. She additionally works with UK clients by phone and European clients by skype. In 2002 Jennifer set up an executive coaching company supporting the continued high performance of business leaders and entrepreneurs working for medium and large companies – she is still active in this sector through www.JenniferBroadley.com.

Medication- Do you Analyse | Human Givens Counsellors

One of the points I like to get clear on from the beginning of working with a client is whether they’re taking medication — and if they are in this case, what is it and what impact does it have. Regardless of whether they’re feeling suppressants (for discouragement, sorrow, overwhelm, complex life change), sleeping tablets (stretch and tension), pain management (migraines, cancer, post-ops), or nausea drugs (eating disorders or addictions) — each and every one of them widely affects a man’s body than essentially the transmit its being taken for.

A few years ago I moved my training from London to Aberdeenshire. Not long after that I was introduced socially with a delightful and brilliant lady who, over a time of around year and a half, went from no medication to an increasingly-complex cocktail of no less than 8 different types of pills day by day — at first to manage depression, at that point weight gain, dependence, addiction, liver challenges, thrombosis, and on and on — until she died in hospital asking to be taken out of there because ‘ … the majority of this is excessively’ (the drugs… not her life).

Backpedal to the start of that section, her discouragement started by not approaching her child since she was in strife with her ex. They had shared authority, however the spouse didn’t generally permit her the entrance she was expected at ends of the week; he wouldn’t appear at court when she attempted to consider him responsible through the present family law framework; and he would talking basically of the mum to the child additionally removing them. In aggregation, this was the main thrust for this lady’s pressure, which thusly prompt an interest for therapeutic assist and a first introduction to the anti-depressants and sleeping medication.

On numerous events I’ve had first discussions with clients that go somewhat like this: ‘I understood it was serious when I went to my specialist and was prescribed with antidepressants. I’m staying here staring at them and I would prefer not to begin down this course … would you be able to help?’. Conventionally these clients will see me twice, maybe 3 times, also preparing themselves in each resulting session, and after that they leave and proceed onward certainly with their next life chapter.

A large portion of us have an intuition about whether we truly require:

A weight reduction drug — or some nutritional advice and a tribe to practice with

A sleeping tablet — or an important, proficient discussion to decrease our tension and work our best first decisions

An pain suppressant — or some incredible physiotherapy and some bona fide rest from our work or exercise regime

I’m not staying here as an therapist in Aberdeen or as an counsellor in Dundee saying all solution is evil — a long way from it. I’m stating that as a rule making a beeline for a specialist for counsel is an incredible initial step, and in numerous different cases it’s justified regardless of the time and push to look into whether there are contrasting options to a pharmaceutical solution that may help you all the more convincingly and quicker without affecting your physical body in routes none of us completely understand it.

Most of us sooner or later have set aside opportunity to understand the general nutritional or calorific content of our meals; the thing which is more essential is it that we do in any event the same with the chemical content of our medication. Or even better, spend a couple of hours researching the advantages an awesome nutritionist, physiotherapist, instructor, massage therapist, bio-energy healer, acupuncture professional or chiropractor can offer you.

In this Human Givens therapist’s humble opinion, the greater duty every single one of us take for our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health, the more probable we are to live longer, more joyful, choice-filled lives.



For More Info. Visit here: http://www.healthychat.co.uk
 

Trauma Recovery: Simple Choices (Finding Hope When You Feel Hopeless)

Trauma is one of those emotional health zones that can affect our lives surprisingly. A lot of my clients have been in the military and experienced active service; they may have seen or been liable to a demonstration of brutality; a few clients may live (or have lived) with continuous psychological mistreatment inside a significant relationship. Whatever the issue, the thump on impacts of injury can introduce from multiple points of view. Here are a few illustrations:

nervousness and panic attacks

hyper cautiousness (where you focus on your surroundings at a exhausting level of mindfulness)

eczema and other skin complaints

breathing difficulties

challenges with meaningful relationships

outbursts of anger (perceived as too huge for the occurrence that is just happened)

trouble resting (tired and bad tempered every day)

This above rundown would been generally treated in 2 ways: right off the bat you might be offered prescription (resting pills, feeling suppressants, antidepressants) to deal with a portion of the physical side effects ; and also you might be offered a progression of guiding to talk through your trauma experience and to attempt to comprehend it (which is great accepting it doesn't expect you to re-experience those past experiences).

In Human Givens psychotherapy (which is the main treatment we'll offer our clients at Healthy Chat) our approach is straightforward and it's likewise 2-overlap:

De-sensitise the trauma with the goal that a client is never again captured by their past experiences affecting their present reality. We do a powerful (and quick) piece of work on the very first session.

re-prepare the client to proceed onward positively with their life. Here we work for 2 or 3 facilitate sessions evaluating the parts of their life they'd now get a kick out of the chance to revamp and push ahead with – relationships, career, wellness, and so forth – and get on with outlining and practicing some practical strategies and techniques to help that

Traumatic events are experienced by a huge number of individuals consistently every year. Somewhere in the range of a man might be completely mindful of, and some might be shut insane for reasons of emotional (and at times physical) survival. As a rule an emotional ordeal can't be held under tight restraints always, so on the off chance that you, or somebody you know, is encountering expanding trouble in speculation plainly, overseeing overpower, or has sudden upheavals of outrage, it merits having a first discussion with a Human Givens therapist to investigate whether a recent or old traumatic event might be the reason.

I've often found that the more basic a procedure is, the more we can trust it. Like:

Nourishment: organic product, fruit, vegetables, meat (or not) and carbs in their natural form (in case you're perusing dozen's of fixings its most likely not an incredible decision) – keep it simple

Wellness: run, swim, walk, move, enjoy, appreciate. Advance out of your home and get your heart rate up for 20 minutes. That is it – keep it simple

Companionships: this feels great – accomplish a greater amount of it; this feels like an errand – do less of it – keep it simple

Effortlessness is the hallmark that an item or service can be accessed to by many – a 'more for all, less to none' approach.

With trauma recovery, there is presently enough logical proof to demonstrate that Human Givens treatment is the least difficult, quickest answer for the individuals who need help from their trauma experiences. At Healthy Chat our prosperity originates from making them live glad, satisfying, roused lives in as short a time period as could be expected under the circumstances.

Trauma recovery – book at Healthy Chat now. What's more, keep it basic!

For More Info. Visit here: Healthy Chat | Psychotherapist Dundee

Human Givens – not all treatments are the same

If you somehow managed to Google “Counsellors in Dundee’ or in fact therapists in any city in the UK, you’d be looked with pages of decisions. So how would you pick who you will call first? Also, more to the point, who can enable you to get the speediest, most lasting results?

At Healthy Chat we use a treatment call Human Givens. It’s called that since it incorporates an incredible scope of procedures ended up being viable in getting a man’s natural emotional needs met and thus conveying them back on track to carrying on with a satisfied, glad life.

Here’s the way the Human Given’s College explains why it gets such strong outcomes fast:

“We are altogether conceived with innate knowledge programmed into us from our genes. All through life we experience this knowledge as sentiments of physical and passionate need.

These emotions advanced more than a great many years and, whatever our social foundation, are our basic organic legacy. They are the main impetus that spurs us to wind up completely human and prevail in whatever condition we end up in. It is on the grounds that they are fused into our science at origination that we call them ‘human givens’.

Given physical needs: As creatures we are naturally introduced to a material world where we require air to inhale, water, nutritious nourishment and adequate rest. These are the foremost physical needs. Without them, we rapidly pass on. Furthermore we likewise require the flexibility to animate our faculties and exercise our muscles. We naturally look for adequate and secure asylum where we can develop and repeat ourselves and raise our young. These physical needs are personally bound up with our emotional needs — the principle focal point of human givens brain research.

Given emotional needs: Emotions make particular psychobiological states in us and drive us to make a move. The enthusiastic needs nature has customized us with are there to interface us to the outside world, especially to other individuals, and get by in it. They look for their satisfaction through the way we interface with the earth. Therefore, when these requirements are not met on the planet, nature guarantees we endure significant misery — nervousness, outrage, gloom and so forth — and our demeanor of pain, in whatever shape it takes, impacts on everyone around us.

Individuals whose passionate needs are met balancedly don’t endure emotional well-being issues. Whenever psychotherapists and educators focus on this they are at their best.

To put it plainly, it is by meeting our physical and enthusiastic needs that we survive and create as people and an animal varieties.

There is across the board assention with regards to the idea of our passionate needs. The fundamental ones are recorded underneath.

Passionate requirements include:

· Security — safe domain and a situation which enables us to grow completely

· Consideration (to give and get it) — a type of sustenance

· Feeling of independence and control — having volition to settle on mindful options

· Enthusiastic closeness — to realize that no less than one other individual acknowledges us absolutely for our identity, “warts ’n’ all”

· Feeling some portion of a more extensive group

· Security — chance to reflect and combine understanding

· Feeling of status inside social groupings

· Feeling of fitness and accomplishment

· Significance and reason — which originate from being extended in what we do and think”

At Healthy Chat our essential spotlight in on helping every customer get their enthusiastic needs met strongly. Not all treatment is the same. Not all looks for ‘Guides in Dundee’ will lead you to Healthy Chat. I trust having perused this however, that is precisely what it does.

For More info. visit here: http://www.healthychat.co.uk/

The psychological and emotional health of our children and young adults

Throughout this year, as a counsellor in Aberdeen, and a specialist in Dundee, I’ve treated numerous of young people and children using Human Given’s psychotherapy as I have adults. Most of the people arrive with uneasiness related side effects — poor rest, aggressive nature, headache pains, school refusal, over or under eating. Some are self hurting or are experiencing despondency. Most have had one of very few discussions with their school medics and their family GP. Some have just had treatment with changing degrees of achievement.
The greater parts of the kids I see with mental and emotional medical problems get Human Given’s treatment from the principal moment of the main session with me. It’s rare to see even now a customer with me after 4 sessions — although occasionally I’ve see a few for up to 6 sessions.

So what could it be that Human Given’s treatment supplies to these youngsters that they’re missing out elsewhere. This is what I believe they’re profiting from in the most part:

1. Listening Deeply: the kind of listening that once in a while occurs with guardians since that is simply not most family designs. Also, it doesn’t occur with companions and peers in light of the fact that at 13–25 years of age they’re basically not furnished with those fundamental abilities yet. So for some, the first occasion when they get the chance to take a seat, continuous for 60-a hour and a half and simply voice their thoughts and inner voice, their ideas, their difficulties, is in a restorative Healthy Chat. My activity as much as is conceivable is to focus hard on the words, the tone, what’s being stated, what’s being skated over; reflect back what I think I’ve heard; request more.

2. Releasing questions: the kind of enquiry that helps that adolescent or youthful grown-up to perceive where they’re, where their talented is; to interface their various assets together; to see with their own eyes that where they’re at this moment isn’t a deadlock or a no-trust circumstance, however an opportunity to test their knowledge, self-restraint, correspondence strategies, powers of persuasion and reslience to an unheard level.

3. Practical information: most clients, youngsters to grown-ups, who come to see me don’t have their very own working comprehension brains. They comprehend to some degree what realizing and mind is, however they’re interested to find out about the parts of their cerebrum they can control deliberately and the parts that control them without their insight. Knowing how it functions frames a technique on the best way to utilize it for the result they need.


4. Attitude development: when we change our way to deal with something, that thing changes. Also, if youngsters have one regular characteristic it’s being innovative about what else they could attempt. Working it out in a protected place, with an unattached-to whatever is left of their-life grown-up is mental solution for a large portion of them. (Furthermore, detailing back their successes at the following session is mental medicine for me!)

5. Mental and emotional practice: this is the fundamental optimizing bit of Human Given’s treatment and frequently works since it conveys a fast certainty lift to a man who, right at that time, acknowledges ‘I can’. When I take a youngster through a procedure where they can truly observe, feel and sense themselves accomplishing what they’ve discussed, it changes how they see themselves — and that is very effective.


African-American social reformer, Fredrick Douglass knew his stuff when he stated: “Its easier to build strong children than repair broken men”.

Aware guardians will continue inquiring about until the come to a point when they find out the solution for their children’s emotional and mental health & wellbeing If that’s you and you know there’s something progressively that would benefit your child, niece, nephew or friends — genuinely consider calling me now at Healthy Chat. It’s what I’m here for.

For More Info. visit here: http://www.healthychat.co.uk/

Stress and PTSD – a pending risk (with a simple cure)

I've been disturbed and devastated as of late at what goes in the movies to be OK to see for a PG, 12, 15 or 18 audience.

A month ago I offered criticism to Cineworld having been in a 12 motion picture with my companion and one of the shorts indicated was so much of horror. He and I both got Goosebumps watching it – like he really shouted so anyone can hear (don't reveal to him I let you know!). I'm extremely cautious about what I see at the motion pictures - nothing finished a 15 since I simply don't need horror and disgusting pictures in my mind. At the point when Cineworld answered they affirmed that that short was really appraised a 12. What?! Unbelievable.

Same thing again a week ago, I and my high school little girl watched the second motion picture in the Maze Runner arrangement. In the primary film the adversaries were innovative (mechanical bugs) which is conceivably less demanding to isolate you from it. In Scorch Trials (cert 12) the foes are not well, zombie people who have responded to an infection and now, with petrified bodies and blood-dribbling mouths, chase down sound people. It's legitimate unnerving!

My girl close her eyes and ears for the vast majority of the zombie bits, however didn't miss every last bit of it, at that point couldn't rest that night. A few times the following day – notwithstanding having played game, read her book and conversed with companions – she said the pictures where pestering her and solicited 'would you be able to get freed from them for me'. After some talk, I took her through a speedy 20-minute process which de-sharpened the recollections and enabled her to push ahead with no basic anxiety or dread.

The quick and intense Human Givens 'rewind' strategy won't evacuate the recollections, they're simply withdrawn from the debilitating should be on high alarm.

As opposed to film fiction, scores of customers have come to see me with clear recollections of genuine brutality. Some have been in dynamic administration (Afghanistan, Iraq, Ireland (generally), Serbia) some have endured locally mishandle (physical or passionate), some have an injury from a separation or a newborn child demise – whatever the source, an injury can be decimating and terrifying for the individual enduring.

Manifestations of injury can include:

freeze assaults, sudden overpower, comprehensive crying

outrage upheavals – regularly finished little things

addictive conduct – betting, liquor, drugs, brandish, threat

an immense need to control

self hurting – considerations or genuine

sore heads, headaches, skin dissensions, breathing troubles

bothered and poor rest

A huge number of individuals seem to figure out how to keep together the presence of 'ordinary life', even with a hidden injury. They may raise a family, holding down work or doing remarkable willful administration. You and I may never know.

Be that as it may, here's the thing. It's difficult to assemble a high rise on split establishments. One story's conceivable, two perhaps, however over the long haul it's more likely that somethings going to fall.

On the off chance that you or anybody you know is experiencing a current or recorded injury, please realize that it's not a long or attracted out procedure to restore the establishments of your life to being solid once more. With Human Given's treatment, it can occur as fast as 1-3 hour-long session. I've had ex-benefit individuals look for help with Healthy Chat having battled for a considerable length of time. Most are clear reasoning, certain and re-fabricating their lives well in under a month. No prescription. No long, drawn out exchange about the occasion itself.

Our kids are figuring out how to request help when there's an issue. As adolescents, grown-ups and beneficiaries, for our passionate and mental prosperity, we should figure out how to do likewise.

For More Information visit here: http://www.healthychat.co.uk/

Divorce — should be done with dignity and thoughtfulness

I’d get a kick out of the chance to surmise that with almost 5 million divorces in the UK since the 1980s (around 150,000 every year) we’d be beginning to hear stories of what worked and what didn’t when a couple experienced their divorce. I’d jump at the chance to see a culture of imparting shrewdness to the people to come; learning sifting through to men, ladies, families and legal advisors about how best to explore the separation travel. I’d get a kick out of the chance to peruse in magazines and web journals, records of couples who put their youngsters and prosperity for-all at the focal point of their choice to move from atomic to more distant family and that really they rolled out the ensuing life improvements effortlessly and with a sentiment control and strengthening.

Up ’til now, I’m extremely not seeing that data advancing in the prevailing press, notwithstanding, I am meeting an ever increasing number of couples who need an aware division and a working co-child rearing relationship going ahead. They come to me at Healthy Chat for intercession for 3 imperative reasons:

They don’t need strife to be at the focal point of the partition they’re prepared to make

They’re in understanding that living respectively isn’t drawing out the best in themselves or their kids

They would prefer not to contribute £5000 — £25,000 in joint specialist and legal advisor expenses when a separation can be essentially intervened and taken a toll adequately prepared (and with the spared charges they can each occasion for seven days in the sun!)

Here are the Top 3 points on the best way to approach a serene separation process:

1. Reject the myth of ‘divorce as a battle’

Isolating on the grounds that a marriage is not any more the best working model for an partnership or for child rearing can be exceptionally freeing. The tradition model is one of contention and fight and notwithstanding when a couple can see the sense in separate, frequently when they’ve each employed a legal counselor to ‘ensure their best advantages’, the unpretentious recommendations of ‘you could get more; you’ve been abused; your kids may be taken away’ will drive a them into frenzy, fault and more legitimate charge spending.

A more peaceful and up-to-date way for separating is to get ready for a progression of discussions (testing at first maybe — yet they get less demanding) based around an idea of ‘additional for all and less to none’. A couple and their kids (age appropriately) would all be able to be involved with these. Over various many months an aware and clear arrangement and time period starts to develop. Once that is characterized for everybody and all are in understanding, at exactly that point does the formal printed material and thinking get go to a family legal advisor to guarantee the lawful piece’s recorded effectively.

2. Deal with your expectations: confer a half year to the procedure

A receptive outlook is the secret to separating gently and in a sensible time scale. There can be numerous intervened mediated and 1–2–1 discussions to be had amid this time; each clearing up the most shrewd courses of action for the two medicate discussions in connection to kids, living game plans, funds, work, re-preparing (in the event that one parent needs additional help to up-ability to work for more pay later on), partition of belonging, occasions, benefits and future adaptability to re-arrange the terms.

Will the progress be excruciating? — It’s diverse for everybody, except most likely. Remember that it will ease in time (particularly if couples needs empathy) and that staying in a disappointing marriage for another 1–5 years before you get to this point makes broadened hurt at any rate.

3. Trust that conscious co-parenting is in your children’s best interest

Kids sense strain in a family unit regardless of whether they can’t articulate it. They can wind up being sincerely happier in the long haul once their folks consent to venture up, convey and roll out a few improvements. It may be that, through some interceded discussions, some new abilities and information are found out and a marriage goes up again another rent of life and everybody is more joyful (it happens!); and it could likewise be that isolating while keeping the kids’ best advantages at the focal point of the progressions brings comparative satisfaction after some time as well.

For beyond any doubt this isn’t a basic subject and connections are distinctive for everybody. Life is long and it’s a decent standard to re-affirm that you have numerous options of how the future can be. In the event that you can’t exactly work out how to get to where you need to go until further notice, at that point getting a cerebrum at Healthy Chat to enable you to get lucidity might be an exceptionally astute initial step.

For More Information visit here: http://www.healthychat.co.uk/

New Year Resolution – still succeeding?

The Edinburgh Healthy Chat Therapist

Here at my Edinburgh talk therapy clinic, my New Year resolve is to share some of my therapy and counselling ideas and advice on our Healthy Chat blog. So, in timely fashion, here are my thoughts on our great tradition to pledge a new year’s resolution:

What went through your mind as the bells rang in 2018?

Is it accurate to say that it was by any possibility a promise to surrender something? Cigarettes, chocolate, liquor? Take-away dinners? Retail treatment? Television or PC diversions? Betting? Biting your nails? Maybe, then again, it was a promise to start something, such as running or swimming, singing in a choir or being more friendly, or to pick up something, similar to a fit healthy body, or a six-pack torso, or a more beneficial bank account. It may have been to be more decisive at work, or to be more pleasant to your relative. Whatever it was, fourteen days down the line, how is it going for you? I might risk a figure that the individuals who picked a ‘surrendering something’ sort of determination will battle more than the individuals who started something or pick up something.

And how’s your New Year resolve bearing up?

Unfortunately, a shift in behaviour can often be short-lived unless a sound plan is in place as to what to do instead of the old and unwanted behaviour, or what is to be gained from the loss. This is because most of us have strong unconscious negative associations with words like ‘losing’ or ‘giving up’ or ‘quitting’: our brains don’t like loss, and don’t like a void where there used to be an activity. Loss is the opposite of gain, and acquisition is a core motivation in humans. Also, we have been (albeit perhaps unwittingly) conditioned to associate giving up with failure. A decision to ‘lose weight’ or ‘give up smoking’ is therefore immediately hindered, or hoist by its own petard, as my father would have said.

Another key thing to note here is that our brain is an expectation machine: it wants to be set tasks so that it can pursue and achieve them. The trick is to give our brains a positive goal, not a negative one, as it will pursue each with equal diligence. If you set your mind to not smoking, your brain will focus on smoking, and sooner or later the word ‘not’ will be forgotten. If, however, you set your mind to getting healthier, with cessation of the foul habit of filling your lungs with poison set out as a clear part of your health plan, you will have a much higher chance of success.

To take a similar vein with body weight, instead of resolving to lose weight, set out to gain that slim figure that you so desire, or find your waistline (that you know is in there somewhere because you saw it a decade ago!), or become fit and agile. The change in words is so simple it may seem insignificant, but the reframing of the resolution can make all the difference.

It’s worth bearing in mind that one session with an effective therapist or coach can help you to set out your goals for maximum effect and the ultimate positive result. Sometimes it’s invaluable to, in effect, “borrow another brain” for an objective perspective on what you are aiming to achieve.

One note of caution here is to make sure that the new activity or behaviour is not only positive, achievable and backed by sound reasoning, but is also a behaviour that you want in your life. I don’t mind admitting that (before I had studied psychotherapy and learned how our brain works) I once pledged to give up red wine, and rather unimaginatively decided to replace it with cranberry juice. By week three I had pretty much developed an allergy to cranberry juice and I subconsciously moved the ‘goalposts’ of my resolution from ‘give up’ to ‘give up for a month’ (another trick our brains are good at). On the first of February I fell upon a bottle of wine as a drowning man would a life raft.

Denial can take many forms and, if you go about it the wrong way, ‘giving up’ alcohol or cigarettes or ‘cutting down’ on foods can unnecessarily affect more of your life than you might think. Many folk who may feel they have overindulged over the festive season just choose not to go out because they will not know what to say when somebody offers them a drink or a bag of crisps. If you are ‘on the wagon’ for January then it’s no good floundering around wondering what to say when your friend is at the bar waving a wine glass at you.

But it is equally bad to stop going out: your New Year resolution wasn’t to deny yourself a social life. If ‘losing weight’ is your goal then it might feel easier to just not visit your Granny during January, because you know she will have a plate of leftover mince pies and Christmas cake on offer, and you haven’t the mental energy to turn it down. But not visiting her affects both of you in terms of your connection and attention needs — and you don’t want to abandon your Granny to a month of loneliness. Conversely, giving up computer games or TV is all fine and good unless it causes you to head out to the bar to fill the void with alcohol.

It’s useful here to borrow a technique well known to athletes, politicians and actors: mental rehearsal.

Work out in advance what you will say when someone offers you a cigarette, a beer or a portion of chips. If retail therapy is your poison, have a clear plan in place before those January sales catch your eye. Think it through and rehearse the words. Be absolutely clear in your mind. Hear yourself saying those words, “no thanks, I don’t smoke” or “no thanks, I’ve switched to a healthy diet this year” or, “let’s go ice skating instead of shopping this weekend”.

Conscious rehearsal is great up to a point, but those same athletes, actors and politicians will also be using visualisation to embed the desired mindset into their subconscious. My son can close his eyes and visualise how he wants to swim his race in a certain time. I used to use the same technique to visualise the time it would take me to complete a cross country course, and therefore where I could potentially speed up. Effective speakers take a moment in a quiet corner to visualise the calm, clear, confident authority with which they will deliver their speech. Visualisation makes use of one of the most powerful of our innate resources — our imagination — to generate images of the desired reality.

Reframing, visualising and rehearsing your own success are often the keys to achieving what you want, and to making your New Year resolution a permanent behaviour pattern in your life. A good therapist, counsellor or coach can help to kick start the process for you.

Change your thoughts – change your life

As Healthy Chat evolves and begins to morph and manifest into the vision I’ve been holding for nearly 5 years, the process has encouraged me to look at how I’ve been resourced personally to get to this point.

Since 2009 my pace of life has changed as has my family shape, my home, and my friendships. I’ve moved from a garden-flat in the energy-packed city of London to a house in a quite village on Scotland’s east coast; from independent living with my daughter, to collaborative living as an extended family. And that’s not all; my sports have changed – from squash and running to tennis and swimming – as has my fitness, diet, finances, confidence, spiritual practices, education and volunteering time.

If you’d told me even 3 years ago that my life would have sustained such all-encompassing changes I’d have said ‘no way’. And so I’m here now asking myself how it’s possible that I’m not a quivering bundle sobbing in the corner? What has sustained me, what has kept me trusting and taking just a single further step forward? The answer is multi-faceted but at the core it involves resourceful thinking, an ability to reframe any situation as positive and faith in my vision.

For years I’ve wanted uplifting, life-changing, hope-filled conversations to be as normalised and as accessible as a good gym. This culture of ‘oh he’s seeing a therapist, he must be in crisis’, or ‘she’s working with a coach, there must be a problem’ is so 1900s. In 2013, coaching and theraputic conversations are underpinned by science, research and extraordinary professionalism – they’re going to make an impact.

This new ‘personally–unlimited’ era embraces a Healthy Chat as one of many success tools – specialized, empowering, breakthrough conversations.

Living life successfully is more complex in this millennium than ever before in history. We live in a world of increased choice and where we used to filter hundreds of choices we now filter millions.

From childhood, through teens to independent living our experiences influence how we look at our world. Then on through relationships, children (or not), work choices, travel, time investments in health, fitness and fun, finances, free-time, sport, food, technology, home life, self expression, peer groups, new interests, what to let go of, what to commit to … phew … endless choices. And understandably it can all be a bit overwhelming.

Where we used to be taught by our communities that there was a ‘right way’ to live life; the evolving world culture is one of multi-levelled acceptance of difference and an embracing of diversity. Developing a new skill set of personal clarity, respect and non-judgement is key.It makes for a more colourful world canvas that way too.

New thinking means that some of the old ways have to be let go of – you get to choose which received ‘wisdom’ has value and which is baggage. Keep one, dump the other. Change your thoughts and you change your life.

Stress relief

Stress and its side effects are on the increase. The worst-case knock on effect of acute or ongoing stress can be depression, illness and a sense of being out-of-control of your life. So what are the stressors you need to look out for? How do you spot them? Then manage them in order to stay calm?

I was at a weekend conference recently and one of the topics was an exploration of how our world and cultures have evolved. Turns out that while you have more choice than every before in history – where you live, what you eat, which relationships you commit to and how your career progresses – you’re actually not always fully equipped to manage the range of choices too far beyond what you’ve been taught are ‘normal’ and ‘right’.

So if your parents did a church, white wedding, you’re more likely to want the same regardless of whether you’ve been active in developing your faith up to the point of choosing marriage. Equally if your peers all commit to university as the right next step after high school, you may well be swayed that way even though the best choice for you could be to go straight into work, do an apprenticeship or start up on your own from day one.

Each of these compromises, the choices that take you away from where your intuition is guiding you, increases the stressors in your life and impacts your health and sense of wellbeing. So how do you navigate your own path? How do you get to a place where life has success and meaning for you for now and for whenever you view your future?

The key is calmness. Keeping an emotional equilibrium allows your brain to filter in the best choices for you at any given time. Investing time in knowing what you want from life will also fast track your decision making and your ability to achieve. So get some clarity around who you most like to spend time with, what your career goals are, where you want to travel, how fit you want to be, how you want to contribute to your community and what activities make you most happy in any given moment.

Developing calmness – which leads to awareness – can be done in any number of ways. You can do it through breathing, mindfulness, running, swimming, mediation, prayer, reading, writing, talking, quiet contemplation, exploring, painting … the list is endless. You can work out what’s most effective for the person you are and the lifestyle you lead. Then as you practice integrating conscious calmness into your life you’ll notice that your thoughts remain clearer, your decision making becomes more targeted, your compromising reduces and your sense of self-worth and achievement are daily celebrations.

Relief from stress is a positive choice. It’s a necessary part of achieving in today’s increasingly complex world. And it’s your route to opportunity and meaning in a way that only you would resonate with. Your life, your life choices, your calm happiness.

Successful Retirement

If you ask an under 30 what successful retirement means to them I’m sure at least 95 % of them would look mystified. Ask the same question to an over 50 and 95% of them would have an idea of how they want to spend their time and how their process for planning for it is progressing. So where’s and what is the tipping point?

The traditional word ‘retirement’ brings to mind a mid-sixties person who has committed to a career for 40 or more years. They’ve earned a change of routine and no longer want to work.

There’s a new perception of retirement evolving though and it’s this – a time where you no longer need to work, but you choose to because the selected work that you contribute to is something you love. Where there’s financial independence in someones 30s, 40s or 50s they might realistically ‘retire’ from the need to work and commit time only to the people and projects that uplift their lives, utilise their skills and get the outcomes that makes them most happy.

Whatever type of retirement you’ve created in your mind, one things’ for sure, to make it successful you have to be clear what you want to spend your time on. It could be any or all of family, reading, consulting, sport, travel, investment in your community, new learning, relaxing, campaigning … anything at all – the time is yours to design and develop as you wish.

Change of any kind can be challenging so when 40 years of routine with a community of colleagues comes to an end, don’t be to hard on yourself if the adjustment to managing your own time takes a bit of a while. The key is persisting, planning, doing more of what you notice you’re enjoying and less of what you notice you’re not.

Succeeding with significant life changes make up much of what we have conversations about at Healthy Chat. Clients get super clear on what success would look like for them  – they imagine, they speak it out, they hear themselves be convincing and subsequently their brain is honed to bring about that satisfying outcome for them in as short a time as possible. Whether it’s retirement, relationships, career change, lifestyle change, successful marriage, friendly divorce, teenage changes, it’s always a smoother process to get right first time (because we all get their in the end …even if it takes a few shots) when there’s clarity, a strategy and a heap of positive feedback.

Successful retirement – you can, you can, you can.